I really must get a new profile picture

I consider myself computer literate. After all I have grown up with computers. I filled out many a computer punch card growing up and can write a mean flow chart and program in FORTRAN and BASIC. I started using computers at work in 1985. I still miss the control i had over my computer back in the PC-DOS before Windows took over everything. I have Built and updated dozens of computers and seen the emergence of global positioning systems and auto steering in Agriculture. I was updating a computer recently and the only thing I was able to keep was the case and the DVD-ROM. The hard drive would have worked but my son convinced me to spend some  bucks and at least double the capacity. He also convinced me to try the UBUNTU graphical user interface for LINUX rather than sending more money to Microsoft. (so far so good, my wife has been using it with out issue for over a year). Thank Goodness I bought a USB connected drive for all my old software on 3.5 inch floppy drives. I am finally throwing out out the boxes of 5.25 in floppies (that actually are floppy). I can't help worrying that some computer whiz will be able to look at my exciting correspondence from 1998 which was the last year I could read them. I worry that as a society we aren't archiving enough of this technology and old storage mediums as we did reel to reel and 35 mm film. But my kids are threatening to send my name  in to appear on the reality show "the Hoarders" so I had to finally give those up. But my kids still consider me a Luddite. "No one emails anymore dad except old people"(would that be people over 18?)."Is that a real friend dad or a Facebook friend" . I have been known to text my teenage daughter to tell her supper is ready which she prefers to my yelling up the stairs. I was shocked to have my own kids not take my phone calls. They tell me it is too expensive. They ask that I send them a text instead. But do you think I can change my profile picture? I haven't sold DeKalb corn for a year and yet my blog photo still has me wearing a their  hat. At least Croplan Corn and Monsanto have a good working relationship. Oh well the kids will be home from school for the holidays soon. Maybe I can get them to fix it. I guess I better send them a text or post it on their Facebook walls. Merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous new year everyone.

John Cleeses take on terror threat levels

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE: BY JOHN CLEESE

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing.." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person